Heads up—this post discusses weight, so maybe skip it if that’s not your thing. Also, laptop selfies seem to be the bee's knees around these parts. This is me writing this week’s newsletter.
Also, at the top of this post is a voiceover of this newsletter - if you listen to it, do let me know!
It was 2007, and my friend Sarah was turning 21.
That was the year I did the Beyonce Master Cleanse, The Cabbage Soup Diet and The Atkins back-to-back. I discovered straight vodka had fewer calories than wine and took up smoking during the week as well as on weekends. You know, because emphysema is worth being thin for.
I was thin—thinner than I had ever been in my life. I didn’t think I was thin at the time because ‘thin’ had a different definition back then. Thin meant knobbly elbows, Kate Moss, sunken cheeks, and twig legs—tiny hipster jeans slipping off visible hip bones. At my smallest, I was a size 12 or a Country Road 10, which is inarguably thin for someone who is 175 cm tall and 90% shoulders. Not Paris Hilton thin, but still thin.
So, my friend Sarah was turning 21 and turned to me for diet advice for her party. Of course. I had visibly shrunk before her very eyes over the last 6 months, and she wanted in.
So, I wrote a meal plan containing zero carbs and told her to follow it to the letter.
She didn’t and looked smoking hot at her 21st.
This cycle continued for me for many years. Friends asking for diet advice, my blog readers asking for diet advice. I’d condemn carbs, praise protein, shill a shake.
Until I didn’t.
I consciously stopped writing about weight and weight loss a while ago. Sometime between the births of my two children, I stopped weighing myself entirely.
I’ve been slowly disentangling my soul from the relentless pursuit of thinness, and it’s peaceful here, my friends. I don’t talk about how I’ve gained or lost weight because I have no idea how much I weigh. The liberation is intoxicating. I don’t even own working scales. Our broken set is propped up against the wall in the bathroom, thick dust crusting the edges. There’s a little glimmer of pride bubbling inside me. Despite my history of disordered eating and bouts of compulsive exercise, my daughters are being raised in a house without scales. Well, they will be once I get rid of our broken ones.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I’ve always been a self-experimenter and a wellness and fitness enthusiast. I want to do in-depth reports of my health and wellness habits, like improving my gut microbiome or measuring and tracking my cardio fitness. I’ve received feedback that this type of content interests my readers. It’s my favourite subject - self-improvement that doesn’t suck. I’m trying to find a way to report physical changes as well as general health changes without opening up a Pandora’s Box of disordered eating and orthorexia. For myself and my readers.
Scale loss reporting gives me the ick. Ditto before and after shots, which I’m guilty of posting many times in the past. Day on a plate - yuck. These days, I wouldn’t embark on a new exercise or food plan to lose weight (I don’t do that anymore), but surely there’s room for full reporting, including sleep, mood, skin, hair, productivity and energy, as well as physical changes? Sharing any appearance-based changes would be for informational purposes only. I’m not selling anything. I have a (recent) personal code of not advertising diets or wellness products. No shade to writers/influencers who do paid supplement work. Folks gotta eat. This is a me thing.
Dear reader, what are your thoughts? How do you feel about body measurement reporting in health habit content?
Or would you prefer a continuation of a weight talk ban?
There are no right answers.
The only thing I won’t do is weigh myself.
I’m done with that.
Reading
Fast Like a Girl. I’m a big fan of fasting and I’ve been doing it for years - I do it for energy and clarity. Depending on what's happening, I generally fast for 12 to 16 hours each night; I’ve yet to try an extended fast because I’m sooky, and I like my ‘lil treats, but maybe one day. I recently read (saw on an Instagram reel) that if you’re a female (or indeed a person with a womb/menstrual cycle), if you are over the age of 35, you are automatically perimenopausal. That doesn’t mean you’re about to melt into a puddle of hot flashes - lots of people don’t experience any symptoms until at least their mid-40s, but 35 is the age that womb-havers should be aware of the impending changes in their bodies and hormones. Ever the planner, I want to be in tip-top shape to welcome this new era of my life when it comes, and this guide is a sensible look at fasting and how to tie it in with your menstrual cycles to ease the transition to no longer having menstrual cycles. I’m going to do the 30-day starter plan, and I’ll report back. If you want me to. See above.
Watching
The Truth vs Alex Jones. This human stain has a gross website where he invents conspiracy theories and sells vitamins and supplements to the people who consume his content. One of the many reasons I steer clear of supplement partnerships. He’s the ass-hat who invented the story that the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax. So the parents whose 6-year-olds were murdered in their classrooms have spent the decade since their deaths being harassed by Alex Jones’s followers. Death threats, stalking, vandalisation of their children’s gravestones. Seriously ghoulish shit. This doco is the story of the families fighting for justice in this bizarre case. If you do watch it, look for the bit in court where one of the family members is kind to him (offering him water and cough drops) and watch his response. It’s fascinating.
Wearing
A weird hybrid of my summer and winter wardrobe. It’s that infuriating time of year when it’s 6 degrees in the morning but 25 in the afternoon. Layers, my people. Layers. Currently wearing a cotton maxi dress with Xplorer socks. I also got the Uniqlo coat. It’s rad. Size down, I got the large and I usually need an XL in coats for those ol’ swimmer shoulders of mine.
Listening
Wicked. My eldest has figured out Elsa from Frozen is the voice of Elphaba, so it’s the top request when we get in the car at the moment.
Eating
Biltong. I tried it years ago, and it was so tough I almost cracked a tooth, but I grabbed some Aldi this week, and it’s delicious. I’m also hyper-fixated on this Chilli Lime Fish recipe from Recipe Tin Eats. I’ve made it the last three times I’ve had people over for dinner.
Doing
Freaking out about joining a netball team. I’ve been trying to do more activities that aren’t parenting or work and I thought night netball would be a good idea. The trouble is, that hour or two when my kids are in bed before I go to bed is the only leisure time I get so I’m already in a mental funk about it. I know it’s only one night a week but I feel it when I miss that time. I’m sure it will be lovely. Or dreadful. Or both.
What's New
Loved reading Toni Morrison’s rejection letters. I pitched what I thought was a great piece to a mag this week and heard crickets so this was a nice equaliser.
Love this dress from Boden. It’s boho adjacent. We’ve all got a touch of the bee-ho in us, this dress is the perfect opportunity to embrace it.
If don’t have kids or you don’t have smeary kids this dress is versatile AF.
This piece on being excited to be child-free was a lovely read. I really resonate with people choosing to be child-free because I was almost child-free. Parenthood was the right choice for me and I have no regrets at all but I enjoy getting glimpses of the other path I could have chosen.
Winter is coming and this sweater is begging to be worn on a pleasantly windy weekend away in a country town, sipping on a takeaway coffee, annoying the locals by walking too slowly down the main street. Deluxe.
101 ways to make and maintain friendships.
Let me redefine leisure wear with this super soft grey jumpsuit from Sweaty Betty.
We have a bad mug and I only use it when I’m desperate. I often give it to guests because what do they know? All my mugs are bad to them.
The rise and fall of Tradwives.
How to stop spiralling every time you get negative feedback.
That’s it for this week!
Love
Carly
I'm another long term reader and I absolutely love the evolution of how you talk about your body etc. I would prefer you not include any measurements of your body size (arm circumference or whatever) because it still has an underlying implication to me that a smaller number is better - that reducing the number makes your body more 'good'. Just because it's not weight doesn't mean that it's not connected.
Instead, I'd be happy to read about how things you're doing are impacting what your body can *do*. Like, I'm eating this thing and it means I can now have higher quality sleep, so I'm more present for my kids first thing in the morning. Or, I've added an extra cardio session each week, and I've noticed my mood has improved in these ways. After playing social netball once a week for a month I can now more easily jump in puddles with my daughter. Or whatever it is! Talk about your body in context, rather than just the body itself. I hope that makes sense!
I really like the way Dr Preeya Alexander on Instagram talks about how food and exercise has benefits for our bodies in hundreds of ways that aren't about how they look. She also has some great discussions about the insidious and dangerous ways of diet culture.
Thanks for another great and thought-provoking read. Weight/appearance talk isn’t triggering for me at all so I say go for it if it suits you. I know you would approach it thoughtfully and with a goal of wellbeing and acceptance.